Day 1858 of my Captivity
Wake up you lazy Bastard and Feed Me!
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Day 1849 of my captivity
My reoccurring nightmare is back, its assembly in primary school and everyone is seated in the auditorium except me, although things are fuzzy I can make out a few people on the stage and the back of children's heads as I stand in the back by the doors, with the gnawing feeling that I have to get to my seat. I can recall the thought of going down the left side crouched down so the people on the stage don't take notice of me and just when I get to my row, The teacher spies me and calls me up to the stage.
At that exact moment in the dream, I look down to realize I am wearing nothing but a pair of "Mighty Whites" that's right fruit of the looms briefs, and the moment I notice its always the same; I get the feeling everyone in the room is looking at me, and they are. The room erupts with laughter and then I wake up its always the same. The freaky thing about it is that I'm a cat and I have never wore mighty whites, not even on my head drunk at a party.. I swear he's putting this into my head....
What if I am going crazy, surly if I was susceptible to such ailments it would have come out in screening at the academy. Then again no known agent has ever undergone the riggers of my captivity at least not for my duration.
I can't get that dream out of my head, what if: He put it there, What If: he isn't exactly what I thought he was, that would account for him taking down the yuckie girls photo the day before the attack, only to return it with another one the following evening. What If: he knew, he could read my mind like some type of half-assed Ape-Jedi of some sort. That would certainly account for the majority of my failures. I will have to study this angle carefully, even I feel that I am teetering on the genius of insanity. That would account for his winning streak, surely the talking Ape can't be that lucky... I may have stumbled on to a bigger secret than I thought, no wonder he has yet to let me escape, he can't afford to let his secret out.
Judas Priest I am being held captive by a talking Ape with mind powers, that can't be good
Day 1848 of my captivity
I have sunken into a dark place; My failed attempt at the dullards life has left me in shambles to say the least. Hope is a cruel candy to the oppressed, I was almost certain of success in what was to be the finest stratagem in Super Agent history.
I lay here docile in waiting for the next spark of brilliance to ignite a paroxysm. I feel trapped in my physique; Although of superior intelligence, my agile sleek frame is no match for Bo-bo heads brute apelike strength. I would give my dinner rations just to be from the Canine unit if only for an hour. I would Bite stink-foot in a instant, and then he wouldn't be so smug with his, baby talk and stupid cat toys;Try that with a snarling beast Air-head.
No...I mustn't sway from the reality of the situation, regardless what colour cloud hangs above me. Oh how tiered I am from this one sided battle of the wits. Escape is right around the corner, possibly the next synapse could start the chain of events, that will lead me to victory, I must hold on.
And still I can't help the overwhelming sense of dread, I know too well; The toils of Damocles
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Day 1835 of my captivity
Talk is Cheap!
A picture is worth one thousand words; At last the bungling Dullard got of the computer yesterday. The plan was getting too complicated and the schematics and precision of the operation far too important for memory. My calculations are complete, all there is left is some minor household items, and to finish the weave on the rope.
I have drawn a rough scale of the operation, via open office. Operation "Fry Guy" will be occurring tentatively this Sunday afternoon after his afternoon shower which never happens until Columbo is over. He is as predictable as a one sided die on that day. His mundane repetitive life has left him vulnerable, As you can see in the diagram below my plan is utter Genius.
I shall take my leave of you now; While you soak in the details of what is sure to be etched in the text of history as "The greatest escape ever in the history of espionage"
Monday, October 8, 2007
Day 1834 of my captivity
Pay dirt eureka and all that jazz, last night while I was rummaging in the bin, under the bed, end even in the dreadful odor-full pit he calls a hamper. I was desperate and stunk a bit still from my scavenger hunt, which turned out to be fruitless at first. It was 03:27, and I had been searching for nearly two hours now. when all of a sudden a move, a noise, then a large stink foot came crashing down two inches from my nose. The beast was awake and fumbling his way towards the Lavatory in what I commonly refer to as "The Midnight Run".
I am still amazed not only how these fellas made it out of the trees, with century's of literature, instruction manuals, internet, microfiche, and of course the gratuitous signs for employees in the restrooms; These hairless Apes still forget to wash there hands in the middle of the night.
Wamm there is was right under the sink the Bachelors bag, staring me right in the face, there has to be something of use to me. He promptly without turning on the lights return to his messy bed, as I slithered toward the cabinet to do some heisting. The bag had more dust on it than the top of a water tower in the middle of Oklahoma. Its rather pitiful when you think about it a black overnight bag with a small bottle of Hai Karate and a male health product from a company that is no longer around.
As trivial as this information may sound, I compile all this data to help me with my Psychological profile. "Know thy Enemy" Just another line in Boots Camp methinks not; It seams sgt slogan knew what the hell he was talking about on all those road-marches after all.
Bingo dental floss, 25 yrds of it, true its thin and frail by its self, but I can use some sort of braiding method to create some nice cordage. Ingenious but it does push my schedule back a few days, for I can only weave at night while Dum Dum is in la la land. Never the less its a start; A beginning and I'm not so sad to say, the end to the injustice of my imprisonment.
Day 1833 of my captivity
I crawl on my belly in the dark; As the big Dodo pollutes my air with both the smell of garlic, and the clamor a vial snore. I sleep during the day, like many freedom fighters before me, only to come alive once the lights are out. It serves my cause, and give the enemy the idea of dominance over his subject, what a cunning ruse I am playing.
As I lye possum all day, while he plays with his imaginary internet friends. He he he and LOL to you my Jailer, your time is slipping away and you haven't the slightest clue. Last night I did a bit of re-con (thats reconnaissance to all you civvies out there) right down to it; The happy home-maker will be with out his bath mat by the end of this week. Now I'm not going to get into the particulars of that operation, lets just say before the attack in the middle of the night he will be receiving a squishy present, and it wont be from Santa Claus. The more water I can get on that bathroom floor after his shower, the better my odds will be to get a good ground.
Oh yes, I'm bringing in the big guns now you nincompoop, You may be able to throw me around, but how about you try mess with "The Juice" hehehe I am delighted by my plans thus far.
First order of the operation is a success I have the plan meticulously loaded into my head..... Last night was re-con and tonight I gather the first of many tools I will need to accomplish my quest. I will need approximately 5 meters of fine string like material, Thin enough as not to be noticed on entrance to the lavatory, and at the same time strong enough the withstand the weight of a pure bread Russian Blue Warrior.
If all goes well my compatriots I shall have my string and/or a composite of such, I can't begin to tell you how crucial that part is. Five meters of string it all comes down to this, the whole ball of wax comes down to that appropriation. I am confident, like the saying goes " If Bast is for us who can be against us"
Day 1832 of my captivity
"To the sick, while there is life there is hope." Marcus Tullius Cicero
Last night while the Dunderhead was recharging his bantam brain cells. I pondered my situation and tried once again to come up with a new method of escape. Then it dawned on me; Like a harsh stream of midmorning daylight, burning through my eyes outside an after-hours. I have been playing ball all along on the home pitch.
Humor me for a moment if you will; What if the Dunderhead had a shunt of some sorts? Any accident that would require medical attention would do just fine. Yes that just may change things in my favor. He would be forced to either wither in pain until his demise or call the authorities for help. Not to wag my own tail, but it seems like a win win.
Lets say he call for an ambulance then he could never catch me hobbling around in that condition. Time is of the essence when faced with such emergencies, he would have to open the door for them. When the paramedics arrive in their overstuffed polyester pants to work on him; I can make my escape, or better yet he may have to be taken to hospital. In such a case I would be king of the castle and free to come and GO as I please. Muuhahah its crazy enough it just may work!
Of course you know the brute outweighs me by some 165 lbs. I'm going to have to pummel him with cerebrations, and nothing but my premium recollection of Lycées physics. I shall start tonight, scavenging for much needed supplies. I feel restored with an overwhelming sense of hope. My Sloppy Windmill shall topple and I will be victorious...
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